Slide on Down to see March of the Penguins
*** (3 stars)
Attention: has anyone ever wondered how penguins survive in the South Pole? Or how they have babies? Or whether they fall in love or not? Well, this is the movie for you. All your questions about penguins will be answered in this thing.
It starts as penguins are getting ready to leave their ocean home to have a little ‘family reunion’ which, by the way, is about 70 miles away. When they get there, they have to decide who their spouse is going to be. Then, they start having cute little eggs. Mothers then leave for food and Dads watch the babies on their feet in a special way until the Moms return. Then, it goes the opposite way, and Moms watch the babies while the Dads go for food, which they haven’t had in 4 months! This goes on for quite some time until the babies can take care of themselves and the parents let them walk behind them in little schools to follow them back to the water for food. Finally, when they are old enough, they get to live their own lives without their parents.
My mom and my principal, Mrs. Watson, made me see this thing, which I thought was going to stink, like a skunk’s bottom. But, it was good, for two reasons. One, because I could learn about penguins, and two, it included a free slip and slide video for those who have trouble sliding on their stomachs! Also, since it was practically empty I could put my feet on the chair in front of me.
Kids, if you like movies with cute moments and baby animals, this will be a pretty nice movie for you. Nature for the boys, and romance for the girls. Girls, the marriage only lasts for a year. Rated G for cute moments and stuff. Warning, some penguins kick the bucket and go to the great South Pole above. Way above.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Classic Kevin-Underdog (August 2007)
It’s a Bird, It’s a Frog, it’s Underdog!
***1/2
Alpha Dog (Jason Lee) is perhaps the worst dog on the police force. In a scene at the Capital we find out he is smelling-impaired, which makes him mistake a piece of ham for a bomb. When he wonders off in shame, he is bullied by some German Shepherds, then picked up by Cad (Patrick Warburton), henchman to the evil, the terrible, and the short, Dr. Simon Barsinister, played evilly by Peter Dinklage of Elf.
Barsinister does animal testing and genetic manipulation at his lab. Unfortunately, in the process of Alpha Dog’s genetic mutation, he gets away and blows up the lab, giving Barsinister a new facial and also getting chemicals in his body. Dan Unger (James Belushi) is a previous policeman who is now the watchman at the lab. Unger takes Alpha Dog home to his son, Jack, so he won’t be lonely. He’s lonely because his mom is dead (again.) Dan also renames Alpha Dog “Shoeshine” because he licks his shoes. Even though he does not know it yet, Shoeshine has super powers including the ability to fly, run fast, and speak human, even in rhyme! He’s a beagle, who can fly like an eagle!
When Jack finds out about this, he tells Shoeshine that he must become a superhero. Shoeshine says no. Jack takes Shoeshine for a walk where he meets the girl of his dreams, Molly, and Shoeshine meets her dog Polly. When Shoeshine saves Molly and Polly from bad guys, he agrees with Jack to become a superhero. After many stupid name suggestions, Jack picks out Underdog, and he uses his dad’s old college sweater for a costume. But, Barsinister, now living in the sewer, is plotting against Underdog.
You’ll be sick if you miss this summer flick where evil gets licked! Get off the phone, give this dog a bone!
Rated PG for rude humor, mild language, and action.
***1/2
Alpha Dog (Jason Lee) is perhaps the worst dog on the police force. In a scene at the Capital we find out he is smelling-impaired, which makes him mistake a piece of ham for a bomb. When he wonders off in shame, he is bullied by some German Shepherds, then picked up by Cad (Patrick Warburton), henchman to the evil, the terrible, and the short, Dr. Simon Barsinister, played evilly by Peter Dinklage of Elf.
Barsinister does animal testing and genetic manipulation at his lab. Unfortunately, in the process of Alpha Dog’s genetic mutation, he gets away and blows up the lab, giving Barsinister a new facial and also getting chemicals in his body. Dan Unger (James Belushi) is a previous policeman who is now the watchman at the lab. Unger takes Alpha Dog home to his son, Jack, so he won’t be lonely. He’s lonely because his mom is dead (again.) Dan also renames Alpha Dog “Shoeshine” because he licks his shoes. Even though he does not know it yet, Shoeshine has super powers including the ability to fly, run fast, and speak human, even in rhyme! He’s a beagle, who can fly like an eagle!
When Jack finds out about this, he tells Shoeshine that he must become a superhero. Shoeshine says no. Jack takes Shoeshine for a walk where he meets the girl of his dreams, Molly, and Shoeshine meets her dog Polly. When Shoeshine saves Molly and Polly from bad guys, he agrees with Jack to become a superhero. After many stupid name suggestions, Jack picks out Underdog, and he uses his dad’s old college sweater for a costume. But, Barsinister, now living in the sewer, is plotting against Underdog.
You’ll be sick if you miss this summer flick where evil gets licked! Get off the phone, give this dog a bone!
Rated PG for rude humor, mild language, and action.
Classic Kevin-King Kong, The King of All Movies (2005)
King Kong, The King of all Movies
*****
Move over Lion King, there’s a new ape in town!
This is no Mighty Joe Young. This is more incredible than The Incredibles. More swinging than Spider-man. More gigantic than George of the Jungle! More terrific than Tarzan! It’s the one, the only, KING KONG!!!
This movie has the kind of violence you see in Jurassic Park but it’s funny in some ways too. The islanders or native people don’t take kindly to the newcomers. When Carl offers a native child some chocolate he violently grabs Carl’s arm and bites him. I had to hide behind my mom’s scarf when the natives were offering Ann to Kong, because if you see the natives you’ll get nightmares for the rest of your life (0r maybe a week.) Cover up!
It’s a love story between female and ape. King Kong is such a hero he saved Ann 3 times. In one scene in New York, Kong is playing with Ann on the ice in Central Park. Basically he is ice skating on his behumpus. My mom thought it was romantic when they were playing on the ice, but I liked it when the ice exploded as the military shot a gun at Kong. From my perspective violence rocks but romance makes me want to barf.
I think it stunk that they made King Kong into a show animal. He seemed human, just like your regular everyday Robert De Niro. I’m not sure who Robert De Niro is, but Kong looked like the kind of guy who should be named Robert De Niro. Carl [Jack Black] is a movie producer with a wild mind for films. But when he hears the CEO are planning to fire him’ he slips away to a ship that will take him to the destination of his next film, Skull island. Everything’s going the way it’s supposed to be. Carl has got a crew, a beautiful female, and an actor to do the stunts. No problem right? No. Once they get on the island, the native people who live there don’t take to kindly to the crew. They attack the crew members and later steal Ann’ Jack’s female to offer as a sacrifice to Kong.
*****
Move over Lion King, there’s a new ape in town!
This is no Mighty Joe Young. This is more incredible than The Incredibles. More swinging than Spider-man. More gigantic than George of the Jungle! More terrific than Tarzan! It’s the one, the only, KING KONG!!!
This movie has the kind of violence you see in Jurassic Park but it’s funny in some ways too. The islanders or native people don’t take kindly to the newcomers. When Carl offers a native child some chocolate he violently grabs Carl’s arm and bites him. I had to hide behind my mom’s scarf when the natives were offering Ann to Kong, because if you see the natives you’ll get nightmares for the rest of your life (0r maybe a week.) Cover up!
It’s a love story between female and ape. King Kong is such a hero he saved Ann 3 times. In one scene in New York, Kong is playing with Ann on the ice in Central Park. Basically he is ice skating on his behumpus. My mom thought it was romantic when they were playing on the ice, but I liked it when the ice exploded as the military shot a gun at Kong. From my perspective violence rocks but romance makes me want to barf.
I think it stunk that they made King Kong into a show animal. He seemed human, just like your regular everyday Robert De Niro. I’m not sure who Robert De Niro is, but Kong looked like the kind of guy who should be named Robert De Niro. Carl [Jack Black] is a movie producer with a wild mind for films. But when he hears the CEO are planning to fire him’ he slips away to a ship that will take him to the destination of his next film, Skull island. Everything’s going the way it’s supposed to be. Carl has got a crew, a beautiful female, and an actor to do the stunts. No problem right? No. Once they get on the island, the native people who live there don’t take to kindly to the crew. They attack the crew members and later steal Ann’ Jack’s female to offer as a sacrifice to Kong.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
UP
Up takes Off
****
Let me begin by saying that Pixar always impresses me even if it is in a small way. Their unique ideas (I.E rats that want to cook, toys that move around and speak when no humans are present) are always totally original and usually hilarious. However, Pixar’s last film, Wall-E, was in my opinion more aimed at adults and environmental groups then kids. But Pixar came back and gave us Up, an action comedy with heart. It is also the 2nd Pixar film to be rated PG. The first was The Incredibles back in 2004.
Up is the story of Carl Fredrickson, an old man who dreams of going to Paradise Falls, like he promised his deceased wife Ellie he would. To accomplish this (and to stop the neighborhood from forcing him into Shady Oaks retirement home,) Carl puts a large number of helium balloons on his house and takes off. Just as things seem perfect, Carl discovers that a young and quite annoying Wilderness Explorer named Russell has stowed away on his porch. Russell is seeking to get his “assisting the elderly” badge, but instead Grumpy “Uncle” Carl must take care of him.
This film has lots of laughs that everyone will understand. Most of them come from the many talking dogs especially the one with ADD, Dug, who adopts our characters. (I wonder what my dog, Cooper would say if he could speak, maybe please walk me?) Again the dogs are the funniest characters in the film. The Alpha dog has a defective collar, thus making him sound like Simon from Alvin and the Chipmunks. There is also a dog air force with tranquilizer guns that are shot out by chew toy. I loved the “Cone of Shame”, one of those collars put around a dog’s neck so it won’t bite itself.
The scenery is exotic and colorful as I imagine South America looks. Other characters, including the villain, add a twist to this tale as does the violence which earns the PG rating. Unfortunately, when the Fredrickson’s lives are being shown in the beginning of the movie, a long sequence with no talking, the younger ones might get bored. The adults will love it, according to my mom.
Besides that, Up is a hilarious and heartfelt family film with no profanity or bad content. There is only one joke about bodily humor which most parents will find adorable.
Rated PG for some peril and action
****
Let me begin by saying that Pixar always impresses me even if it is in a small way. Their unique ideas (I.E rats that want to cook, toys that move around and speak when no humans are present) are always totally original and usually hilarious. However, Pixar’s last film, Wall-E, was in my opinion more aimed at adults and environmental groups then kids. But Pixar came back and gave us Up, an action comedy with heart. It is also the 2nd Pixar film to be rated PG. The first was The Incredibles back in 2004.
Up is the story of Carl Fredrickson, an old man who dreams of going to Paradise Falls, like he promised his deceased wife Ellie he would. To accomplish this (and to stop the neighborhood from forcing him into Shady Oaks retirement home,) Carl puts a large number of helium balloons on his house and takes off. Just as things seem perfect, Carl discovers that a young and quite annoying Wilderness Explorer named Russell has stowed away on his porch. Russell is seeking to get his “assisting the elderly” badge, but instead Grumpy “Uncle” Carl must take care of him.
This film has lots of laughs that everyone will understand. Most of them come from the many talking dogs especially the one with ADD, Dug, who adopts our characters. (I wonder what my dog, Cooper would say if he could speak, maybe please walk me?) Again the dogs are the funniest characters in the film. The Alpha dog has a defective collar, thus making him sound like Simon from Alvin and the Chipmunks. There is also a dog air force with tranquilizer guns that are shot out by chew toy. I loved the “Cone of Shame”, one of those collars put around a dog’s neck so it won’t bite itself.
The scenery is exotic and colorful as I imagine South America looks. Other characters, including the villain, add a twist to this tale as does the violence which earns the PG rating. Unfortunately, when the Fredrickson’s lives are being shown in the beginning of the movie, a long sequence with no talking, the younger ones might get bored. The adults will love it, according to my mom.
Besides that, Up is a hilarious and heartfelt family film with no profanity or bad content. There is only one joke about bodily humor which most parents will find adorable.
Rated PG for some peril and action
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Star Trek
“Beam me up, Scotty” to see Star Trek
****
My colleague Mike Boylan is also reviewing this film, so I’ll tell you all the things he may not. I have not been introduced to the Star Trek franchise until now, and I thought it was so far one of the best action films this year! It’s not driven by computer animation, and it has some very good acting in it. To tell you the truth, I was a true cynic about the film since it looked very different, but now I am a true fan.
Mike probably won’t tell you about Kirk making out with a green-skinned student or the fact that her roommate (Ohuru) is about to remove her undergarments while Kirk is hiding under the bed. (She doesn’t actually remove them-but I still wouldn’t take your young children to see this film.) Other then that, violence and language are the only things to be concerned with here.
The new character Chekov couldn’t say the word Vulcan; he said “Wulcan” which was supposed to be funny, but was just ridiculous. Kirk reminded me of Anikan Skywalker in Attack of the Clones. I didn’t get the whole ‘Scotty’ thing.
I do believe that this will entertain almost anyone (Trekkie or not) who sees it. Mike can tell you all about time travel, red matter that Nero is going to use the blow up planets, and how great it was to see the old Spock in the film. My teenage mind is short and to the point. Nero= bad guy. Kirk=Good guy. Ohuru= extremely likable.
Rated PG-13 for sci-fi action and violence and brief sexual content.
****
My colleague Mike Boylan is also reviewing this film, so I’ll tell you all the things he may not. I have not been introduced to the Star Trek franchise until now, and I thought it was so far one of the best action films this year! It’s not driven by computer animation, and it has some very good acting in it. To tell you the truth, I was a true cynic about the film since it looked very different, but now I am a true fan.
Mike probably won’t tell you about Kirk making out with a green-skinned student or the fact that her roommate (Ohuru) is about to remove her undergarments while Kirk is hiding under the bed. (She doesn’t actually remove them-but I still wouldn’t take your young children to see this film.) Other then that, violence and language are the only things to be concerned with here.
The new character Chekov couldn’t say the word Vulcan; he said “Wulcan” which was supposed to be funny, but was just ridiculous. Kirk reminded me of Anikan Skywalker in Attack of the Clones. I didn’t get the whole ‘Scotty’ thing.
I do believe that this will entertain almost anyone (Trekkie or not) who sees it. Mike can tell you all about time travel, red matter that Nero is going to use the blow up planets, and how great it was to see the old Spock in the film. My teenage mind is short and to the point. Nero= bad guy. Kirk=Good guy. Ohuru= extremely likable.
Rated PG-13 for sci-fi action and violence and brief sexual content.
The Terminator
Terminate it!
Terminator: Salvation has some major problems, the first of which being that no solid character development is present. One character is more like a prop then a person, and therefore should have either died or never put in at all, neither of which happened. The film is driven by special effects and CGI, which is another problem. Now for the people who were dumb enough to spend irretrievable time making this film (I mean the actors). Christian Bale, the star of the new more realistic Batman films, plays a very unlikable John Conner. Every other actor I did not know their past work, so they are unmentionable.
In the X-men films, the heroes are shunned by all normal human beings, like the Machines. Much unlike the Machines, however, the X-men have likable personalities and minds, while the Machines just kill every human and follow every order without one thought for themselves. My friend, Virgil, who saw this with me, said that James Cameron, creator of these once personified characters, said he wanted nothing to do with the 3rd Terminator film and this one, which is extremely understandable.
In my honest opinion, once Arnold left the franchise, they should have stopped. But no, they had to waste good $ on this sloppy, seemingly plot less and pointless film that should have gone straight to DVD instead of to the theater. I hope you realize now that my point is DO NOT SEE TERMINATOR: SALVATION.
The “story” is this: year is 2018. The few humans not captured operate in full stocked submarine (Isn’t the world supposed to be taken over?). One human is half Machine. Human-Machine meets teenage father of John Connor. Humans attack Skynet. The End. Now doesn’t that sound interesting enough to spend $30 on in an economy that’s in the dumps?
Terminator: Salvation has some major problems, the first of which being that no solid character development is present. One character is more like a prop then a person, and therefore should have either died or never put in at all, neither of which happened. The film is driven by special effects and CGI, which is another problem. Now for the people who were dumb enough to spend irretrievable time making this film (I mean the actors). Christian Bale, the star of the new more realistic Batman films, plays a very unlikable John Conner. Every other actor I did not know their past work, so they are unmentionable.
In the X-men films, the heroes are shunned by all normal human beings, like the Machines. Much unlike the Machines, however, the X-men have likable personalities and minds, while the Machines just kill every human and follow every order without one thought for themselves. My friend, Virgil, who saw this with me, said that James Cameron, creator of these once personified characters, said he wanted nothing to do with the 3rd Terminator film and this one, which is extremely understandable.
In my honest opinion, once Arnold left the franchise, they should have stopped. But no, they had to waste good $ on this sloppy, seemingly plot less and pointless film that should have gone straight to DVD instead of to the theater. I hope you realize now that my point is DO NOT SEE TERMINATOR: SALVATION.
The “story” is this: year is 2018. The few humans not captured operate in full stocked submarine (Isn’t the world supposed to be taken over?). One human is half Machine. Human-Machine meets teenage father of John Connor. Humans attack Skynet. The End. Now doesn’t that sound interesting enough to spend $30 on in an economy that’s in the dumps?
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